Last night I attended a worship evening with a bunch of Christians. Earlier that day, I had heard about this worship session and wanted to know if I could attend. I sent a text message to a friend of mine, who is one of the leaders, and asked him if I could attend as I am not part of their group. His reply said, “Would love to have you there.” So, feeling OK that I was not going to intrude on their evening, I started looking forward to worshipping with like-minded people who connect with God the same way I do.
Let me put this into context quickly. This year has been an extremely tough year for me. I moved to another part of the country to do ministry work and it will go down as the loneliest year I have ever had. The ministries in which I am involved in have different cultural contexts and I do not feel a connection with God in the way they worship. This does not make their way ‘wrong’ and my way ‘right’, it’s just different. Anyway, I have not had the privilege of being in a community of like-minded people who worship God in the same way I do. So needless to say, I started looking forward to the worship session.
Upon my arrival (I was still feeling out of place because I’m not part of the group) I am greeted by a friend who jokingly says to me, “Wherever we go you are there. Get your own group to be with.” I laughed and gave her a hug hello but deep down in my soul I felt a sharp pain that made me feel unwelcome. But I kept my brave face on and soldiered forward torn between two thoughts, “Should I stay or should I go?” After all, the last place I want to be is a place where I am not welcome. So I kept going.
As I entered the hall where the worship was taking place, I was greeted by another friend who also jokingly said, “What are you doing here? You can’t be here. You’re not welcome.” Again I laughed and hugged her hello and replied with a cheap smart-ass comeback, but deep inside this hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt out of place, unwanted, unwelcome, and destroyed. I felt like an intruder. This feeling inside me was so great I froze in my tracks. I could not step any further into the hall. I stood in the corner of the door frame with my hands in my pockets, my head bowed down, my eyes shut tight and I wept quietly as the music started. This did not feel good at all. I tried to sing with but I was too broken to utter anything. All my energy was focused on holding back my tears with a straight face.
After the singing we were told to find someone who was in our immediate vicinity and pray for one another. This was a large group of 50 people. Each one of them are really awesome and beautiful people, despite how this story unfolds, so keep that in mind. When the instruction was given everyone around me scattered. Which is fare, as they don't know me, so I found myself standing alone. My first response was to leave but I decided to see if there was anyone else who was alone. As I scanned the room I saw a young guy also sitting on his own with the look of rejection on his face. At this point, I really know how that feels. So I walked up to him with my brave leadership face, very composed and I put my hand on his shoulder and sat down next to him. His face transformed from one to feeling rejected to one who now feels loved and accepted. And we started praying for one another.
After that time, we were told to pray for the leaders of this group who have been under spiritual attack and needed prayer. I left this guy and walked over to another leader and started praying for him. When I had finished, I opened my eyes to see this young guy sitting next to me waiting to pray for me. For the first time that night, I felt loved and accepted. And he prayed for me.
Now I wondered;
What would have happened if I went home after feeling rejected and unwanted the first time… and then the second time… and then the third?
I would not have been around to catch the young man’s heart when he felt rejected and unwanted by the people who are supposed to love him the most. And in turn, he would not have been able to catch mine.
From the very beginning I was under heavy fire from the evil one and I need to be in a community who would absorb me. I never found that straight away but I soldiered on. I kept fighting against everything that I was feeling, and at the end God won.
But I ask the question; How different would this night have been if the people who jokingly rejected me had read James 3: 1-12 and rather loved me upon my arrival?
James 3: 1-12 (NIV)
1. Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.
2. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.
3. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.
4. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.
5. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
6. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man,
8. but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness.
10. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
11. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?
12. My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
In this story I have told, you can identify with my experience of being rejected and how that feels, but I want to ask you this question:
When YOU encounter any person, do you Build Up or Destroy them?
